Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
