I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rumble strips road head = magical
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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