Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
