I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
