So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
