flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
