I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize