you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize