Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
