It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I deserve this hangover.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
