i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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