he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
