I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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