My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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