I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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