Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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