I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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