Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
