Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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