Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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