Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
