high people should be assigned attendants
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
