You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
