I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
