Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
