you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
