She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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