I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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