We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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