So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
