I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
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