Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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