everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
