It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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