I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
