She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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