Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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