Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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