I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
