Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
home. puking in laundry basket.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize