Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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