He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
