And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
