absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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