I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
