And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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