At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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