he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
