tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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