is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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