He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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