I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
