My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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