Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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