guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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