just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
