I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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