turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
