People in love make me want to vomit
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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