this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
ok first of all what the fuck
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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