is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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