haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
