She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Randomize
