You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
