saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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