I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
