I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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