Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
