you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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