Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
