Its about making memories worth repressing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
