Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
