I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
