I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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