Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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