If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Too much gin, very little bucket
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
