Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
